pastry pea

i moved to tumblr

2011-10-27T14:58:00.001-04:00

i cant promise i will start posting more, but it seemed a better format: here

wedding bells

2011-06-04T04:15:00.000-04:00

i have internal struggles with projects like this. it was so pretty once it was done. and it seemed to make the people who ate it happy. but, producing a wedding cake in a tiny apartment kitchen with a half size oven is just a bitch. a ~~three~~ three and a half day process with no storage space.

day one: bake cakes, empty fridge. day two: buttercreams. day three: fondant. day four: final buff, decorations, and delivery. much waiting with sleepy eyes and cranky thoughts for components to cool and set and chill throughout. at least, i thought, i had cool weather on my side, and then mother nature saw my buttercreams and turned up the thermostat. well, you know what? it all worked out anyhow.

for the groom: vanilla bean genoise, mocha buttercream
for the bride: lemon genoise, raspberry buttercream

spring vacation

2011-05-30T23:43:00.003-04:00

i have been doing everything except posting. running along the river. taking inventory. peeping some art. i love the colour of this chihuly. it is the exact colour of the buds in spring that say, hey! there will be tasty foods coming from the ground soon.

there was also a pastry competition in buffalo. i should probably tell you about it. maybe later.

yeh, ive been spoiled lately

2011-03-26T13:20:00.000-04:00

a few weeks ago, jz had an executive dinner, also known as his birthday. we walked into a chefs whim prix fixe menu. we opted for a drink pairing. (always let someone who knows more than you do about the drink menu to do this for you if you can. it is worth it.)

in the end, we did not have the wheatberry risotto, but we did have a lovely charcuterie plate with beef heart (yums!) and dry cured duck breast that looked like stained glass. we were loud and probably obnoxious and there was definitely about twenty to thirty minutes of cock jokes after the cockscomb pie hit the table (which was delicious by the by, like chicken feet but without all the annoying tarsal bones).

lesson of the evening: if you ever see cheeks on a menu, order them.

final lesson of the evening: that last fernet will always kill you a little lit.

b boy

2011-03-21T12:53:00.006-04:00

without any conspiracy, we carry the same brand of messenger bag. we use the same brand of pen in the kitchen. he is one of the first people i met when i started cooking. we do not get to hang out much anymore, but we had some really good times. we can crack inside jokes about that restaurant and its team for hours. i have forgiven him for the fishcake burn. we have stopped making fun of each other quite so viciously. mostly.

b boy now has a restaurant with his wife on the northshore. finally. it is so good to see him happy at work and doing his thing. relaxing a little. still with the faux-hawk and too much cologne. not being as fussy with his food as when we first met, which is not to say that it is not clean and bright and tight. it is. and it exudes love.

i finally made it up to see it and be fed. he surprisingly and graciously comped it. tasting menus are my favourite way to eat. hands down. beautiful and excessive and fucking delicious.

champagne to start, wines to pair:
chicken liver mousse, sauterne gelee
garlic sausage with lentils, creme fraiche; frites, garlic herb aioli
sauteed skate, pommes purees, capers, cornichons, brown butter
pan roasted porc, escarole, romesco
wild mushrooms, fresh tagliatelle
smoked beef tongue, parmesan tartine
lemon meringue tart, citrus salad
gelato: gianduja, pistachio, coconut almond chocolate chip

i think that was everything. i am still full. my head and belly are happy.

stuff. and things. and stuff.

2011-03-09T18:38:00.005-05:00

yeh. i have been working at this really cute bakery. the tarts are beautiful. (you know what a sucker i am for sexy tarts.) i have been re-arranging my life. again. i moved. i have been moving things, and people, and stuff. a real time puzzle that never hits the solution phase. it has been busy. it has been loudquietloudcrazycalmgo-jus.

our team is v small at the bakery and one has recently left. onto bigger and better, we hope. in the meantime, we made her a little book as a send-off, quotes and memories from her time at the shop. this is one of the pages. actually, this one is true for most of us. there are edge pieces from the brownie pan almost every morning and unfortunately they are often the first things we eat. unfortunate because there is no food value as far as i can tell and i dont like brownies that much, but they are also gluten free and so are one of the few things at the bakery i can/ should eat.

happy vd

2011-02-14T20:27:00.003-05:00

interview questions

2011-02-12T16:58:00.003-05:00

we are a v small group...

can you follow instructions?
will you ask intelligent questions?
do you have any experience?
are you willing to wake up in the middle of the night to come to work?
can you operate in a small space?
do you work clean?
can you independently multitask?
will you admit to and fix mistakes you have made?
will you guard the house formulas?
will you get the job done without complaining about it?
can you laugh at yourself?
do you play well with others?
will you make inappropriate comments?
give me your best racist joke that you do not, in any way, mean.
what happens if you get beaten with the stick? (see above.)
will you back up the rest of the team in every sense possible?

what will you get in return? peals of laughter. everyday.

searching

2011-01-27T19:19:00.000-05:00

one of my friends is job-searching. this has to be one of the most sucktastic undertakings in existence. it is terrible for everyone, this i know; but, it seems to have an added horror for restaurant workers. some factors to balance: educational opportunity, heartstrings, location, transportation, money. i have been there too many times.

it is a small city we live in and everyone has worked with everyone at one point or another or knows someone you know. or so it seems. everyone knows too much. about you, your friends, the restaurants you have worked in, the chef you chose last (because it says a lot about you). you name it. and along with that knowledge comes judgment. it makes it hard to go into a stage with an open mind. and all this happens even before the chef, the food, the attitude of the kitchen, and the atmosphere in the front of the house come into play.

and so you must prove yourself. that you can show up on time, that you can hold a knife, that you can cook, that your resume is not a bunch of lies, that you are hungry for more, and most importantly, that you can bond with the line that is already in place. i do not envy my friend.

snowday

2010-12-27T17:56:00.005-05:00

there is new stuff happening. isnt there always? i am not quite there yet. but i will tell you what. it is snowing. it has been snowing since yesterday. work was canceled. whee. the walk outside my building is still un-shoveled. this makes me sad; but, also means i have a reason not to leave the house. instead, i baked bread and cookies (gluten free) and drank many many cups of tea. the bread looks more and more like wheat bread. tricksy. me. sometimes.

o, yeh. happy holidays. thank goodness thats over.

once hell

2010-11-20T11:16:00.002-05:00

there was this show, a modification of dantes inferno. but probably not at all what you are thinking, no matter what it is you have in mind. to start, there was food, and singing, and dancing, and glitter. lots of glitter. each course accompanying a circle of hell, this was our end of things:

limbo: iggys roll, cambridge tap water
lust: peters point, island creek oyster shooter, keown greening apple mignonette
gluttony: baers best and rancho gordo beans, baked; stillman farm cider braised pork ribs; mayflower bbq "chicken"
avarice: fresh corn polenta, keown apple mash
wrath: warm kale, mung bean sprouts, and wheatberry salad, concord grapes of wrath vinaigrette
heresy: new deal lobster stuffed puff pastry coffins, stillman red pepper flames
violence: cold beet soupe d'ede
fraud: pate de fraud gras (white bean)
treason: beelzebubs best chicken "hand" pie
heaven: parker pumpkin cheesecake

eighty people. ten courses.

once sammies

2010-11-16T08:05:00.000-05:00

this was a small once. tiny even. properly in a house, as i do believe follows the original idea. everyone stopped to talk to each other at some point and the food fridge quickly became a beer fridge. our food fridge is not big enough to house both food and beer. as one might imagine, this was not a problem for too long.

we started with some cheese and fruit. and then.

happy pig blt, honey whole wheat
happy pig pastrami, kraut, rye
mini meatball subs, nonnas mozzarella, ficelle
yellow tomatoes, pesto, ascutney, arugula flowers, white
peanut butter and beach plum jelly, raisin walnut bread
oatmeal ginger cookies, tosci pumpkin ale ice cream
(no pudding)

twenty ~~people~~ friends. six sammies.

once weddings

2010-11-04T11:14:00.003-04:00

there were some weddings ~~last month~~ in september. (i am trying to catch up. really.) the way we do. a little laid back. a little hands on for the brides and grooms and friends. some farms, some backyards. much food and laughter. whole animals. metric shit tons of vegetables. cheese plates. many hours of planning and shopping and cooking.

o. and yes. a chicken (her name was cici) that would not get out of the reception hall. apparently, something that can happen when said hall is a barn.

this commercial break

2010-10-30T07:21:00.004-04:00

is brought to you by the frozen egg i unsuccessfully tried to crack open into a bread batter. apparently, my refrigerator shares my temperature regulation issues.

gale

2010-08-31T00:23:00.004-04:00

a wind storm is brewing and i am not referring to hurricane season. this coming month will dash any lingering feelings of easy peasy summertime. starting with two weddings this weekend. that is a lot of food to prep and cart around. but, man, we get to use the oil drum grill again, so its all good. yes?

ready. set. go.

canning

2010-08-25T18:17:00.002-04:00

why? there are no cans involved. this is something that will most likely always bother me. regardless, we have been trying to catch up at work. we have not been canning, pickling, freezing enough food and now is the time to do it. we will need and welcome these packets of summer and fall in the winter. so whenever we have time and build up the energy, we boil enough water to sterilize multiple births and hot pack produce. this batch was pickled green beans, pickled peppers, and mapled peaches.

beast of burden

2010-08-11T13:57:00.000-04:00

how exactly does one feed one hundred plus people a driveway/ back yard bbq in the city? i dont know how they managed it last year, but this year we had the help of this beast. two oil drums welded together. engineered and assembled by one of our patrons.

if you were there, thank so much for joining us. if you couldnt make it, we missed you.

once animalia

2010-08-03T12:11:00.004-04:00

hey. we adore our vegetarian friends. we really do. when i remember to eat, i myself am vegetarian ninety percent of the time. (the other ten is baconarian.) that being said, our last two dinner parties have been vegetarian and so now, it is time for something completely different.

whole. animals.

although we will not have a spit, there will be a lamb, a turkey we have been affectionately referring to as the toddler because of its size, and a six pack (at least) of beer can chickens. there may be more. we like to add things in at the last moment. whatever happens to strike our fancy at the farmer market. there will certainly be hot dawgs for the children. its a bbq. it will be gads of fun. charcoal, smoke, fire, food, friends. how could this not be fun?

never fear, there will be sides aplenty for those of you who do not participate in an all-protein diet. third annual driveway bbq. this coming weekend. you know what to do. (if you dont, email me.)

as a side note, i love this sign. it was prominently displayed at olympic provisions, where we purchased some beautiful artisanal bacon for our west coast dinner in june.

once again vegetarian

2010-07-27T19:18:00.005-04:00

we had to do it again. there are vegetables growing all over the place. in our state.

one: green salad, shaved fennel, celery
two: grilled cabbage, bayley hazen
three: chilled beets, lemon verbena
four: tomato, peach, basil salad, baguette
five: roasted pattypans, eggplant
six: grits, fresh corn, stewed tomatoes and okra
seven: potato, ascutney, thyme gratin
eight: pilaf, carrots, grilled onions, lemon cucumber discs
nine: rigatoni, pesto-y sauce
ten: blueberry buckle, maple creme anglaise

thank you karen for letting us take over your space. next up: whole. animals.

thirty three people. ten courses.

eat your vegetables

2010-07-14T11:04:00.002-04:00

despite some serious flooding and a last minute changing of the guard, once vegetarian happened. some old friends, some unexpected friends, some new friends...

it was difficult not to put bacon in something, but everything was still beautiful and delicious. especially at this time of the year. there is food again at the farmers markets and it is so pleasing. so much so that we will be doing another one in a week. who said we dont love our vegetarian friends? (just dont mention the whole animal bbq that is coming soon after. hush.)

one: once krispy kale
two: green bean french fries
three: dottys zucchini soup
four: asian flavoured slaw, jacks kimchi (in which no asians were harmed in the making of said slaw)
five: harukei turnip flan, pickled turnips
six: three beets, two ways
seven: non-dairy, soft polenta, fresh corn, summer squash coins, fava beans
eight: cauliflower potato curry (aloo gobi, new england style)
nine: wheatberry pilaf, carrots, baers beans, garlic scapes
ten: spinach, ricotta cannelloni, tomato sauce
eleven: cucumber granita, lemon verbena

thank you janna for taking photos. we love having you for dinner.

thank you limbodog for unquestioningly coming to our rescue when we needed an extra pair of hands.

thirty seven people. eleven courses.

from the road

2010-07-08T08:08:00.002-04:00

it is kind of a lie, that no soup thing because chilled soup is delightful in the summer...and we will be serving some up in a few days at the once vegetarian. hope to see you there.

moving

2010-07-07T16:11:00.002-04:00

unexpectedly. in a hurry. means there is no label on the box that houses the charger for the camera. and another move in a month means i most likely will not bother to unearth it until later. translation: picture quality may deteriorate while my phone stands in as best it can.

fromage

2010-06-22T03:32:00.001-04:00

behold the cheese wall at formaggio. (i hear angels sing every time i look at it.) we did not use all this cheese for our latest dinner. we could not have. that would have broken many things, including the bank, our backs, and all of our guests. we used nine. the ricotta (the tenth) came from capones in union square. it is dericious. (no. thats not a typo. leave me be.) we are on the cusp of more beautiful local produce than we know what to do with at the farmers markets, but until then, there will always be cheese.

i was too busy to take pictures, but some other people did.

you may notice the reappearance of the bacon is meat candy tart. (or not. i just realized i never posted about the once beer. mea culpa.) it is constantly being tweaked. it is fabulous every time. in a slightly different way. also, i really missed the pinot noir we had in oregon when making the strawberry soup. not that there is anything wrong with the local jus, but some things are done better in specific areas. truth.

one: hillmans farmers cheese blintz, rhu compote
two: weybridge chevre, salad greens, radish
three: pawlet, cisco formaggio beer welsh rarebit, toast points
four: rileys coat blue ledge frittata, bitter greens
five: landaff creamy polenta
six: philly style cheesesteak, cabot clothbound, scapes, onions
seven: roasted hakurei turnips, ascutney
eight: twig farm butterwick mac, potato chip topping
nine: bailey hayzen blue, chocolate bacon, meat candy tart
ten: ricotta semi freddo, strawberry pinot noir soup

forty people. ten courses.

pdx

2010-06-14T13:52:00.003-04:00

we lost our minds. our trio of wee ladies traveled as far away from home as we could get within the contiguous united states. we spent the week sourcing out local foods, talking to farmers at the markets, scavenging through (new) friends backyard gardens, relying on the kindness of others, drinking coffee. much coffee. and then, then we made you dinner.

one: rosemount farm pork rillette, chix liver mousse
two: deviled eggs, sauteed garlic scapes
three: chiffonade of dragon kale salad
four: truffled polenta, sauteed morels
five: braised bunny, spaetzle, carrot coins
six: roasted lamb, pita, yoghurt sauce, quick pickles, arugula blossoms
seven: slow cooked brisket, farro and bean pilaf, horseradish blossoms
eight: three cheese and pasta sandwiches, garden chard
nine: bacon is meat candy tart, oregon trails blue
ten: goat farmers cheese semi-freddo, strawberry pinot noir soup

we made everything. i think that goes without saying.

this was fun. and amazing. the people we met were amazing. the space donated to us for our dinner party was amazing. but also, we are v tired now. a little broken, but not for long. on our way home soon.

adventure

2010-06-09T16:44:00.002-04:00

we have taken the show on the road. we are currently on the other coast, pdx to be exact. this was our beginning point at the aeroport. no judging. we had a long flight ahead of us...

strawberries!

2010-06-06T19:38:00.003-04:00

hey, farmers market. i have missed you so. and look, strawberries! i could smell them before i turned the corner. a beautiful hit of sugar and sunshine and red. it is just the beginning. i hope the torrential rains we have been having dont ruin the rest of the crop. because i really like me some berries. with cream. and shortcakes. and lavender. and maybe some booze. just sayin.

first radish

2010-05-23T08:21:00.001-04:00

i ate this radish two minutes after it was plucked from the ground in my boss' back yard. it was still warm from the sun. and it was delicious.

distracted

2010-05-04T21:53:00.010-04:00

i have been distracted and things have been a little hectic. have some results of april showers...

spring redux

2010-04-22T19:02:00.004-04:00

if you have known me for any length of time, you know that at the beginning of spring, this always happens. buttermilk panna cotta, rhubarb compote. i cannot help myself. it is the first fruit-like produce to show its colourful head in the shoulder season while we all impatiently wait for the berries, figs, tomatoes, and drupes. our restaurant participated in a tasting event and this was the sweet component. teense two ounce dishes with matching doll-sized spoons. showered with micro-basil. yes.

please

2010-03-31T09:51:00.001-04:00

come on spring. come back to us...

turtles

2010-03-30T09:50:00.002-04:00

who knew turtles were such excellent farmers? these micro-greens arrive in the kitchen alive, in dirt. they are the most beautiful teensy specimens. they have some serious concentration of flavour. they are amazing just to see.

brunch

2010-03-16T10:28:00.004-04:00

it seems like the thing to do. underground dining. private supper clubs. it has been in the papers as of late. i am prone to say it isnt cool anymore, now that they keep writing about it, but the thing is, i dont care because brunch was yummy. local foodstuffs, lots of love. clearly, heaps of love.

and there is another one next weekend. i cannot wait.

tasting

2010-03-06T10:33:00.010-05:00

i am in a small time warp. this was a week (maybe two?) ago. we also sent out potato leek soup, but there was no digital record of such.
oysters
torchon
wild mushroom risotto
seared scallops
rack of lamb
top loin
panna cotta, two flavours

goodbye, cow. hello, kitty.

2010-02-21T18:36:00.007-05:00

i accidentally found myself in chinatown on the day of the new years parade, which did not occur on new years, which is why i say accidentally. it was a chaotic, but happy and fun surprise.

vd aftermath

2010-02-16T09:32:00.004-05:00

i dont want to take away any displays of affection from anyone, but dont do it. dont wait until hallmark tells you it is time. take each other out tonight, it need not be crazy fancy with oysters and caviar and chocolate. just go together.

really look at each other. listen. listen for something new. listen to the story you have heard time and again, the one you will probably hear even a few more times, until you can repeat it better than your companion.

smile. laugh. dance to the music only you can hear. dont wait, celebrate now, however you think approriate. life is so short.

also, your meal will most likely be calmer and more enjoyable. i can almost guarantee that. vd service was hectic, to say the least.

breakfast

2010-01-31T15:55:00.004-05:00

well. technically this was not breakfast. but it was meant to be. eggs? no. but flour? yes. butter? yes (nine pounds). really, what else is one to do but make croissants? M said to me: some people just eat toast, you know. yes. i know. but their kitchen doesnt smell as good as mine.

notes for the next batch: scale up the protein content; these were soft and delicate, which was nice but i like some bounce and chew in a lacquered dough. also, in the end they required a trip to the store to procure eggs for the wash.

i have this reoccurring problem: i wake up and think, i would like xyz for breakfast and i somehow do not take into account that xyz takes six hours to make. oops. so, at some point in the middle of this process when i realized i did, in fact, need eggs, i also stopped at the bagel shop down the street.

humour break

2010-01-26T18:43:00.002-05:00

the cook in me says mr bacon will always win, but i am also a big fan of tofu. its kind of a wash. regardless, i bet it would be a good fight...

type o negative

2010-01-17T10:54:00.004-05:00

as far as i can tell, one of the only reasons to put up with winter (besides scarfs and the occasional fireplace) is citrus. glorious beauties who only come out to play in the cold weather. sure, i love me some regular lemons all throughout the year, but meyer lemons and blood oranges are only on stage for a short time and i cannot get enough of them.

i was planning on making some blood orange curd to pour into a tart or fold into a cake batter, but didnt make it that far. these oranges were simply eaten out of hand. a perfect handful of love.

clean

2010-01-02T12:35:00.003-05:00

stacks of empty plates speak to me.
the possibilities are endless and everything is possible.
yesterday is forgotten and the cycle begins anew.

happy new year.

dead in the water

2009-12-27T11:35:00.002-05:00

after only a few weeks, the beast has been laid to rest, due to what i can only assume were service issues. what a shame. now sitting in the window, tricking people into thinking it is active. on the counter, pitifully mewling for someone to love it like a spurned, once easily-excitable puppy love. people move past and around it like the family elder who has been cordoned off in the corner wing-back chair, allowing it to gather dust.

big sink wash

2009-12-15T11:41:00.002-05:00

dirt upsets me. especially when its in my mouth. one gritty bite and i am done. this can be a problem when what you want to eat the most grows in the dirt. solution: fill the sink. dump in greens. swish. let sit for five minutes. skim greens off the top. drain sink. repeat three times. at least. waste of water? yes, huge. i feel bad about this. but its still less water than is required to raise an animal, so theres that.

big sink wash is normally followed by big pot blanch (a ridiculous amount of salty {like the sea. you should be able to smell it.} water for a handful of vegetables for the shortest time possible straight into an ice bath), but i dont have the patience for that at two in the morning. its saute time. so, last nights after work snack was shanghai choy sauteed with rice cakes and ginger. honestly, i am not a fan of eating after midnight, but it has been happening more and more often now that i am working nights again. family meal goes up at four oclock and its a long way away from the end of my work day.

also, if you think working in a nice french restaurant equals fancy plates of lovely...well. no. i have worked at restaurants where we sat down to eat (one) and the rest have been either no meal or a standing up eating out of a plastic pint container meal in between prep, like where i work now.

we are lucky to have J, who in addition to working his station, throws up family meal every day. he is ultimately concerned about everyone eating enough and enjoying it. i cannot stress this enough. he does a really fantastical job with what he is given. but what he is given is mostly scraps. sometimes dinner looks like the detritus left over from making stock. because that is precisely what it is.

the irony of the situation is not lost on me.

sex on a counter

2009-12-05T10:24:00.001-05:00

its kind of what i expect a butcher to buy. one who has perhaps already had a mid-life crisis and bought the high performance sports car. one who now looks at his house and his wife and thinks, i cannot buy another sports car; she will leave me and people with laugh at me. what will make sense? why, yes. this corvette of a meat slicer will work just fine. it is red and shiny and sexy. it is also beautiful and utilitarian, and no one will wonder why i have brought it into the shop.

we have one at the restaurant. it moved in the other day. the charcuterie plate now features meat cut to order by this hand crank slicer. it rests on the kitchen side of a pane of glass just by the podium as guests walk up the stairs. guests who, the other night, had their noses plastered to the glass pointing at this beautiful beast in action. like children in a sweets shop. fantastic!

tomorrow

2009-11-22T08:20:00.001-05:00

we open to the public. come eat!

welcoming back the eighties

2009-11-17T11:14:00.003-05:00

i have a couple of dessert pet peeves. one of them is the molten chocolate cake.

before you stone me, let me say this. i understand the allure of said cake. it is gooey and warm and makes a messy and playful ending to a meal. and of course, chocolate is beautiful and heady and delicious. look. i know skinny jeans and leg warmers and many other eighties items are back in vogue, but this cake is hit. there was a time when every menu had one. and now i fear it is returning.

one of my issues with this cake is that it is an unfinished product. anyone can do this. it is not a mad crazy display of engineering or skill. it is molten in the middle because it isnt properly cooked.

i dont like seeing it on a menu. i dont like making it. i dont like serving it. i should get over this, i know. but it is cheating. it is the lowest common denominator. you want to assure you sell dessert? throw the lava cake on. give it a fancy name. we call it chocolate fondant. we bake it to order. it is a nightmare when it is busy.

i am not responsible for the menu where i work now. i want to be clear. i am not upset with the people who put this cake on our menu; i am upset with the people who order it. there is a gorgeous tart on the menu that does not get much play and it is because of this dumbed-down dessert.

it hurts.

bread

2009-11-12T20:31:00.005-05:00

sometimes, the effort of going to the grocery/ bakery to buy bread seems like too much. so i make it. (what? sometimes i want to hang out in my pajamas a little longer.) however, i have a small problem. i have lost the dough hook to my stand mixer. apparently, after years of a more than stellar record, i now lose things. i am waiting for a new one to arrive. in the interim i have been making a version of the no-knead bread that hit the interwebs a few years ago because my joints have been acting up a little since i started kitchen work again. i can only imagine kneading dough for fifteen minutes probably would not help that situation.

i forgot what a simple process it is. easy peasy. it just takes time. but, it is time during which you do not have to do anything. of course, i am not suggesting you do nothing while the magic happens; but, you dont have to actively make bread for twenty four hours. which is a beautiful thing because if it took an active twenty four hours i would not be eating bread right now. this gives time enough to go to work. read. nap. make a pot of tea. play a turn in scrabble. run. clean. compulsively rearrange the closet in various shades of black. stare at the new yellow kitchen table and wonder if it will stop being so bright and happy and decide that, no, it will not.

the bread is amazing. it has an airy irregular crumb, good chew, and slight sourness. could it be better? perhaps. but look. all you have to do is scale out the ingredients. you toss everything in the bowl and give a brief round of introductions (flour, water, yeast, salt). you barely have to mix it. there is no taking the temperature of the water. no blooming the yeast. no window-pane testing. no forming. nothing. it makes me feel guilty, this lack of participation. and then the smell hits me from the bowl, from the oven. i hear the crackling as the crust settles and cools. and i no longer care how it came to be.

i am uncertain

2009-11-10T07:28:00.005-05:00

where those bruises came from
when i will remember everyones name
when we will get size-small whites
when we will open for friends and family
when we will open to the public
what hours i will be working
what days i wont be working
what exactly i will be doing
when i will see you again

but i am happy

you spin me right round baby right round

2009-11-05T19:07:00.003-05:00

like a record player.

i have been making and spinning a good deal of ice cream. for the most part it has been test flavours but the restaurant is getting ready to open for friends and family and we have started mock service with the foh staff (practice for the kitchen and familiarity with the menu for the front). from this point forward production should be saved from landing in the trash, or the bin as the french exec pastry chef likes to say, which generally has been the final destination so far.

we have the same shinysleeksexy extruder i used to work with, capable of freezing a batch of ice cream in about five minutes. it is a beautiful thing.

in the spinner:
lavender
caramelized pine nut
pistachio
candied orange and nougat
honey nougat
honey
chocolate rose
almond
straight orange

a small thing

2009-11-02T20:18:00.001-05:00

a cook will generally ask, "may i?" before picking up your knife. then one of three things will happen: (one) they will admire said knife, asking if you are happy with it and where they can get one; (two) they will tell you why theirs is better; (three) they will razz you for how dull it is, comparing it to a butter knife. if this is the case and you are lucky they will then show you how to fix it.

a pastry person will pick up your knife and use it to cut aluminum foil without even looking at you.

knife roll

2009-10-31T08:19:00.005-04:00

in all the moving about i have done in the last year, i managed to misplace my knife roll; this would be more alarming if it had not been empty. the rub: i didnt realize it was gone until i was trying to unpack and get organized the night before starting the new job, which clearly did not leave time to purchase a replacement. i feel it is uncivilized at this point in my career to show up the first day without tools or with tools wrapped in a side towel or an apron or even worse still, a bain. and the first day is not the time to cart in a toolbox. no. thats obnoxious.

whats a girl to do? well, make one, of course. slightly better quality than other makeshift kitchen crafts such as fashioning a belt out of plastic wrap or stapling your (belt-loopless) pants together for service (both of which i have done many times), it will do. i expected B (the exec sous, whom i have worked with before) to make fun of me (which he did) because it is red silk, but i am a girl and i do pastry. so he can shove it.

rust (whinewhinewhine)

2009-10-29T19:56:00.005-04:00

approximately 2500 miles driving. i have been in the car enough this past handful of days that i have developed a minor seatbelt burn on my clavicle. is that even possible?

who knows how many stairs. i just moved into a third floor walk-up. and although i always say i dont have a lot of stuff, well, i should rephrase that: i dont have as much stuff as someone who has furniture, but it was still many stairs. i feel like i used to after running the stadium, which is something i have not done in a v long time. and yes. friends offered to help but i am stubborn sometimes and i felt i should be able to do this on my own. verdict: yes, i did but no, it wasnt pleasant.

rusty french. nothing i can do about that now except hope some part of my brain remembers things i dont think it does. regardez: ever hopeful me. i am exhausted from packing/ moving/ unpacking and absolutely terrified of walking into a new kitchen tomorrow (where, yes, there will be french people).

rusty skill set. yes. i am still excited and happy about this job; but, it has been so long since i have had to prove my worth or even just hold my own in a professional kitchen, i fear i may not be able. and being so tired is not helping. i am trying to retain that vision of ever hopeful me.

rusty knife. this is a pretty clear indication of the state of disarray i find myself in right now. above is my favourite knife. yes. that disaster is rust. the thing about carbon steel blades is you need to dry them off completely. the island was so g-d humid this was nearly impossible. i didnt really unpack my knives during my ithacalude. so when i unpacked this time, this is what i found. i was/ still am horrified i could have let this happen. thankfully, it was not a long process to make them right.

if a rusty knife doesnt sound that bad to you, you have never worked in a restaurant. this is the first real knife i bought for myself when i could not afford to and it fits perfectly in my palm. it is the first knife i was shown how to sharpen properly. B spent at least an hour grinding the double edge off (ginsu!) and resetting a basic one-sided edge that i could continue to hone. regardless of his motives at the time, this was truly an act of generosity. hanging out for an extra hour with the fng after a long shift instead of going out to the bar or home to your spouse is a hard choice to make. i love the sabatiers i have so much that when JZ recently sent me a picture of a knife tattoo, i asked him, "is it wrong that i can tell its a sabatier?" (his answer by the way, was no because he could tell as well. kitchen dorkery. at. its. finest.)

more information than you want

2009-10-23T19:52:00.004-04:00

the good news: i dont feel like i am going to yitch every five seconds anymore. the bad news: now its time to pack. i dont like to move foodstuffs, but i also dont like to eighty-six food at my house if i can help it (there is enough of that at work). this will come with me:

flour:
ap
high protein
whole wheat
quinoa
spelt
almond
hazelnut

sugar:
granulated
10x
brown
raw

salt:
french fleur
ibiza fleur
maldon
autralian pink

oil:
safflower
grapeseed
evoo

misc:
vanilla pods
gelatin sheets
lavender
cardamom (whole, seeded, ground)
cinmt
eight teas (when one spends as much on tea as i am known to do, it travels)
four pounds gimme! coffee (seriously)
four honeypots

it is not a terrible start to a new pantry. sadly, the condiment door and the pounds of butter will have to find a new home.

changes

2009-10-22T08:00:00.005-04:00

i was waiting for the ball to start rolling. i was on my way to the next adventure with two of my dearest when B stopped me dead in my tracks. a sparkly gem dangling in front of me. a newly renovated kitchen. a traditional brigade led by amazing people. an old colleague. a return to the city i adore.

it happened so fast. an unexpected proposition laid on the table. a walk through of the kitchen. a request for an answer. a serious time line. all in less than twenty four hours from start to end.

frantic phone calls and texts messages and sleeplessness and heartache and this is it: i am coming home.

box

2009-10-19T08:10:00.007-04:00

i left it on your counter/ table/ chair/ desk/ car/ front step. did you find it?

it is nothing fancy to see; a plain white box with no markings. my instinct was to tie it with some shiny ribbon. a big bow on top. or knotted red string because i tend to do that. but i did not. i didnt want to distract you. and i didnt want to make a big deal about it.

there is no note attached. you will just have to remember this: inside is a cookie/ tart/ truffle/ cake/ bread/ piece of my love. a desire to feed you. a promise to love you.

wont you take it?

so not extreme

2009-10-15T08:41:00.000-04:00

look. i kind of hate to admit this, but it was bound to come out sooner or later and i am not too proud to lay it on the table. i will taste almost anything placed in front of me; its something i do. but, there are limits.

having a lot of "free" time (which is to say, time i should be sorting and filing recipes, or researching the ins and outs of running a business, or catching up on reading, but am not), i spend a ridiculous amount of it surfing. no. not the ocean. this is the northeast and there are neither waves nor warmth enough for me to attempt to overcome my inherent, solid ability to fall down, which i am capable of doing for no reason whatsoever.

french food is my heart. or rather, i should say european food because really, who only cooks french cuisine anymore? and what food heritage hasnt france thieved from recently? and who can deny the call of pasta or dense brown breads or paprikash or well...you get the picture.

but, most of the world is not french (i love you, france, but this is good) and the food of southeast asia fascinates me, viz., i want to put it in my mouth. with extra sauce red. street vendors dont scare me. i want to eat pho sitting in a riverboat. i have never met a dumpling i did not at least have a summer fling with, if not a full blown mini-romance. i think more food should come on sticks. deep fried packets of who knows what? i. am. so. there. but i do not, i repeat, i do not want to eat a nineteen day old chicken embryo. i prefer it be at least old enough to have enjoyed pecking at the ground and to have grown feathers that required plucking before becoming dinner; i suspect the smell of durian would be enough to knock me unconscious and i have no desire to find out if i am correct; i can hardly sleep for the memory of a bug crawling on my wall. please do not think i am going to eat one; and no. i do not want the contents of my plate to slither of its own free will.

i cannot understand why people do this to themselves or why they capture it on film, static or otherwise. (i am only talking about the ones who anticipate these acts with trepidation. if it is really your thing, by all means, please, eat my portion.) is the need to say you did it so overbearing? have you been double-dared? what do you have to prove? do you also self-mutilate? do you need a hug?

did i just lose some street-cred? probably. i can live with that. eating anything that results in me wanting, no, needing, to brush my teeth for the next twenty-four hours straight just doesnt seem worth it. i like to think of it as being sensible.

falling

2009-10-12T15:42:00.007-04:00

fall is:

a long anticipated display of colour and sparkling light under the trees.

scarves and sweaters and ridiculous arm warmers. welcome home.

time for slaughter. mr lambkin came under the care of the As and my friends now have fridge/ freezer/ bellies full of meat. local farm, local animal, local meals for a long time.

the time two of my dearest have chosen to make it publicly official, as if it were not already clear to any observer. upstate on the shore of one of the finger lakes. with foliage aplenty. and tears. and smiles. and many promises.

always when i fall in love even if the object of my heart neither knows nor returns the feeling. i am certain it is a primal desire to be cozied up for the winter. who needs spring? (well. for now at least.)

so beautiful.

julia

2009-10-02T09:58:00.005-04:00

i am a little behind. really, the story of my life. i wasnt even procrastinating this time. (no. really.) i was living on a rock twenty miles off the coast of new england, which had one movie theater. with one screen. yes. thats right. that meant one movie showing at a time and often no available tickets because of the small seating area. anyhow, now that i am back in america, i was finally able to watch julie and julia. it was enjoyable and entertaining, except for the parts about julie. sorry. i just didnt like her and i didnt find her compelling in any way. (i dont fault the film adaptation; i didnt like the book either.)

confession time. i do not have any of julias cookbooks. i have not followed any of her recipes to letter. i dont not believe she would have cared about my professional life as it relates to food. what i will say is this: i loved the idea of julia child, watching her show as a child and listening to her voice (which was the oddest i had ever heard at the time), and how care-free she seemed in her cooking. her story as it has been presented throughout time is endearing, she is undeniably adorable, and her bond with paul will always make me inexplicably homesick.

o, boston

2009-09-28T15:30:00.004-04:00

bright lights and little city. i have missed you (terrible drivers and all). side note: i took this picture back in the day when cameras contained film. that you had to wind from one side of the camera to the other. that required a trip to a photo-finishing shop. where they would take said film, make you wait forever, and return to you a packet of glossy, chemical laden sheets of paper. with images on them. most of which you would throw away because they were not good. but the anticipation? magic, i tell you.

this past week or so has been a flurry of food and friend activity. there have been mmms at oishi; old friends at hungry mother; new friends and fried clams; cocktails at the oak bar; big-ass sandos from different delis; coffee and tea everywhere; pork buns on the street; and many tasty treats in between. i am proud to say i am really good at this one thing: eating. and eating with friends is the bestest.

flecks

2009-09-20T09:21:00.004-04:00

i admit. i dont believe there is any way to make a quick bread look v pretty, which is a shame because they can taste so good. this one broke in the oven in the new kitchen: vanilla pod seeds in the batter and in the soaking syrup. there is a ridiculous amount of eggs and butter in this, enough to push it into pound cake land; but, i have a tendency to call anything baked in a loaf pan a quick bread. so there.

the second oven excursion involved some last minute birthday cupcakes: chocolate with a teense bit of cinnamon and vanilla cream cheese buttercream. more flecks of vanilla seeds everywhere. miss A was kind enough to bestow upon me a cupcake traveler. apparently just in time to transport this batch to the park by the mini farmers market.

the smell

2009-09-04T16:13:00.004-04:00

did you read james and the giant peach? well, it makes me feel a little ancient, but i did. and it was way before there was even a whiff of an animated movie in the air. i loved that book. and i loved the idea of having access to all that peachy goodness. think about how much yum-ness could have resulted from that one drupe...o. yes. i also just love the word drupe. and i love the fact this one came from the farmers market (farmers market, o how i have missed thee) with its. leaves. attached. and the smell. i might have to lie down for just a moment. i have been in a land of terrible produce for so long, i feel like i am doing something illicit every time i see a farm stand.

i suppose a little backtracking is in order. i have left the salty air and the salty sea i love so much and have traded it for a land of farmers markets, lakes, and yoga pants. change. it happens. this time it was a little unexpected, but i believe it is for the better.

awesome

2009-08-24T03:49:00.005-04:00

do you see that little square at two oclock? it is a smidgen of steak. practically smaller than a french fry (o, pardonnez moi...une pomme frite). that a customer asked to be wrapped to take home for the dog. i dont think there is any comment i can make to do this justice.

cookies, yes

2009-08-04T07:04:00.002-04:00

three kinds of cookies dough the other morning before heading into work: chocolate chip; oatmeal, peanut butter, mixed nuts; lavender vanilla bean shortbread. just a quick reintroduction to my lost love, flour.

the first two, of course, are just for the bike boys whenever i get around to baking them. (cookie doughs tend to fare better when they are allowed to rest for at least a night.) the last will be rolled into ice cream sandwiches with leftover honey ice cream.

work has been busy and customers have been cranky this season. more so than last, if that is even possible. once again, i look forward to the fall.

saying hello again to wheat flour

2009-07-22T22:14:00.004-04:00

that party a little while back? tarts were mentioned. and here they are before baking. almond pate sucre dough, frangipane (with almonds, no hazels), apricots. honey vanilla bean ice cream and burnt caramel. and flour. real flour. dessert paired smashingly with the yquem.

it has been so long since i have used wheat that i had almost forgotten what a wondamous substance it is...shaggy mass to tacky to beautiful roll-out in a matter of seconds. gluten, i love you.

there is the remains of a five pound sack in my cupboard. i think i shall put it to use v soon and stop torturing my friends with stand-ins.

dinner saturday

2009-07-14T06:26:00.004-04:00

edible:
oysters
seared foie gras canapes
vichyssoise with caviar
sweetbread salad
escargot
veal chop, potato torchon, glazed vegetables
cheeses
apricot almond tart, honey ice cream

liquids:
billecart, blanc de blanc 96
taittinger, blanc de blanc 96
bollinger, vielle vignes 97
criot-batard montrachet, blain-gagnard 97
corton-charlemagne, bonneau de martray 97
clos vougeat, domaine jean grivot 78 & 85
echezeaux, domaine dujac 95
echezeaux, henri jayer 81 & 95
grand echezeaux, domaine de la romanee-conti 85
chateau yquem 67

this dinner was clearly about the wines, not the food.

green

2009-07-06T23:14:00.005-04:00

theres a whiff of basil in the air. it makes me so happy, i cant even tell you. (and the sun came out of hiding after a month of rain. yes.) but its not pesto. pureed with garlic and fruity evoo. i have been slathering it on toast with parmesan, finishing vegetable soups with it, mixing it into garbanzo beans. i wish it were tomato season, but that wont be for awhile yet...

independence day came and went. there was work. but then. then there was wine. and much food. and there were explosions. so nice.

on the table: shop during the day, serving at night, private dinner party this weekend.

foh

2009-06-25T09:01:00.002-04:00

table twenty first seating:
the children are running around the table. through the halls. downstairs into the other dining rooms. in and out of the bathrooms. half of them are crying because they are unhappy to be in a nice restaurant where they should be sitting down like civilized beings. i have given up trying to pick up the flatware from the floor. the parents are not trying v hard to control them. actually, they arent trying at all.

table twenty second seating:
its not fair. im done with school and now my parents expect me to find a job. its not fair. i dont have a summer allowance anymore. i dont care about the trust. i wont see that until forever. i only see my savings. i dont care about the trust. i just want to transfer money from the trust to my savings. its not fair.

why am i in the front of the house?

snack time

2009-06-20T17:47:00.003-04:00

midnight snack. recently for me it has been edamame. steamed or boiled. showered with different salts. crunchy and green. they make me miss sushi restaurants at the same time they soothe me. (as a side note, the pods magically aligned themselves. i swear it was not me.)

here

2009-06-06T07:05:00.004-04:00

i made you some cookies. nothing fancy. a shortbread base (gluten free) with orange, sour cherries, and walnuts. the girls at the coffee shop ate most of them; the bike boys received the remainder. crisp and buttery. a happy addition to my tea.

work has begun. the serbs are in place. four more will arrive in a few weeks and hopefully by then i will actually need them. now if only the sun would start shining a little...

blown

2009-05-31T14:27:00.004-04:00

i am blown away. literally (the wind has not let up one bit) and figuratively...i was at the supermarket and saw fiddleheads (yes. spring comes late in these parts, if it comes at all). you must understand, the grocery stores here are dumbed-down, to say the very least. there are no blood oranges, no meyer lemons, no beautiful little bunches of icicle radishes, no free-range mushrooms. explosions of colour that soothe my heart. no. these things that are not necessary for life, but do make cooking dinner so much more enjoyable, they do not live here. so when i saw the fiddleheads, i had to look twice for confirmation. unfortunately, they did not look to be in the best condition, so they did not accompany me home. but kudos for effort.

labels

2009-05-21T21:39:00.007-04:00

i am a mad label-er. there is a roll of painters tape and a pair of scissors at the ready in the kitchen because the edges of the tape must be square. little blue rectangles are everywhere. dates, ingredients, spice mixes, doughs, kits for a later production day. and not everything is labeled literally. (one of my former co-workers used to label duck fat as fuck dat.) some habits die hard.

there lies a bundle in the refrigerator of pure love. okay. so perhaps it is just a bundle of vanilla pods. who is to say they are not equivalent? regardless, i have so many, i have to think of excuses to use them. i put them in everything. i am vanilla-rich and hope never to be poor.

a belated offering for Ms birthday. wee cakes flavoured with meyer lemon, almonds, and vanilla, topped with (more) vanilla buttercream in its purest form. (who crumb-coats cupcakes? me. thats who. shall i lead the ocd dance?)

preserving beauty

2009-05-17T07:16:00.005-04:00

on toast. on ice cream. on dutch babies. in yoghurt. in smoothies. in the juicer. fruit is beautiful. i am not much of a canning type; i usually make quick compotes (requires less time and less sugar). strawberries come to this part of the world pretty late and after a long dreary winter, it was hard to resist the five pound containers of strawberries (yes. i bought more than one). but, there was no way i could eat all of them in time.

so, preserves. a sit overnight with sugar, lavender, lemon, and salt. strain and reduce liquid. add fruits back into the mix. cook to jamminess. i am under no illusions these jars will last into the winter.

dreaming

2009-05-13T22:24:00.003-04:00

i have been dreaming of cake: multiple layers of various sizes; filled with fruit purees and caramels and chocolate mousse; coated with butter cream and hand-rolled fondant; strewn with flowers; cascading with ribbons; neurotically polka dotted with royal icing. (not all the same cake.) cake that is not only pleasing to the eye, but that makes you close your eyes just a little.

a counter top full of butter and eggs. sugar and flour. chocolate and cocoa powder. citrus fruits and ginger. lavender and honey and vanilla pods. the constant whir of the mixer and the scrape of pans being rotated in the oven. and the smell.

i have no audience for this cake. this monstrosity of a dream. it is tragic. if cake, or the lack thereof, can be tragic.

pasta redux

2009-05-07T07:46:00.002-04:00

i have to admit i dont eat much pasta. especially now. but occasionally i remember one of my dear friends: a bowl of fresh pasta tossed with olive oil, lemon zest, salt, and pepper. yes. please.

being the stubborn creature that i am, pasta was on the production list of gluten free foods. thats correct. something requiring only flour and eggs and i insist on removing one of the components. the number of formulations to be found are countless. i tried a few of them and concluded simple was best. this should come as no surprise. pasta from rice and corn. a little persnickety through the rollers? yes. insurmountable? no. just needs a little more love. a little more time. i can understand that; i often feel like that.

it has a little less bite but amazingly, it doesnt taste much different than the original. to be fair, i tasted all versions naked with just a little olive oil and salt. and then i made dinner with the fettucine, sauteed ham, asparagus, olive oil, and plenty of black pepper.

new toy

2009-05-04T14:08:00.005-04:00

i was tired. i couldnt deny the reptilian brain any longer. this is what happens when you (i) surf the web late at night: poor decision making. however, i cannot really be too upset with myself. after all, i no longer have access to a spinner at work. this is the kitchenaid attachment, which means i dont have to sacrifice any counter space. because seriously? i dont have any to spare.

after years of eating hand-made (ie not industrial) ice cream, i have a hard time with the frozen business available at the market. most of them have the texture of plastic and i have an aversion to stabilizers and paying for overrun. additionally, the powers-that-be dont manufacture the flavours i want. is it so hard to make lavender honey? or meyer lemon? or cinnamon? no. the answer is no. i was left without recourse. i realized i must make my own. for. eternity. first batch: matcha. i made frozen yoghurt because i was in a hurry to put my new acquisition to work and i was too lazy to go to the market for milk and cream. (please dont call it froyo; that makes my skin crawl.) in retrospect, it would have benefited from a sploosh of cream.

not pie

2009-05-03T16:55:00.004-04:00

i once again have to blame this project on the dreary sky. after a few days of sunshine and relative warmth, the weather patterns have regressed to cold, damp, and grey. in retaliation, i purchased a few bags of key limes. i adore them. not only are they fresh and bright and better than the average lime at giving up their juice, they are fantastically me-sized. but. i am not making pie. there is no place in my kitchen for citrus meringue pies (now, tarts? that is a different story). i would rather eat the curd on its own and i am not a fan of soft meringue. so instead, i suppose there will be some salad dressing, some fake ponzu, some lime-ade, and perhaps a mojito. sorbet would be lovely, although i am not quite ready for that. not yet.

throwing in the towel

2009-05-01T16:40:00.006-04:00

life is coming back to the island slowly; my winter vacation is over. the new season has officially begun and i will no longer be cooking nor baking, at least not in any professional capacity. i am sure this is not a true ending, but more of a sabbatical. for how long? it is uncertain. there is more to be said but now is not the time. until clarity returns, there is a pizza shop to run and tables to wait on...soon.

how?

2009-04-26T21:09:00.005-04:00

i am sorry. so sorry. i have no explanation. somehow, i forgot what starchy goodness lies inside the jackets of potatoes. (to add insult to injury, i am certain the use of the term jacket, in reference to potatoes, places me in some out-of-touch-with-reality grouping. or, at the v least, not-in-with-the-hep-kids.) tossed with olive oil (the good one), ibiza sea salt, pepper, and rosemary. yes. that was a lovely snack. i even managed to get some into a bowl like a civilized person after eating half of them straight off the sheet tray. and it makes me so happy to look at the left behind watercolour effect:

reality

2009-04-24T08:12:00.004-04:00

in the midst of buttery, floury (or not so floury) things i bake at my house, this is the reality. what i eat most of the time looks like this: one or two vegetables (usually green) sauteed with cubes of tofu. not glamorous, i know; but there it is.

what does that even mean?

2009-04-18T10:55:00.003-04:00

asian slaw. or should i say salad with asian flavours? yes. that sits better with me. this would be much prettier if i had black sesame seeds on hand and some purple cabbage; however, the taste would not change. in the bowl: cabbage, bok choy, carrots, snow peas, scallions, endive (i like the bitter), sesame (seeds and oil), soy sauce, rice vin, and sambal. i made too much. this is the kind of cold crunchy thing i like to eat in the summer. (with a lemon vinaigrette and goat cheese it is also quite lovely.) my problem is that it is not summer yet and the highest temperature we have had on island in the last week has been fifty-five degrees. i jumped the gun a little. the good news (for me at least) is that i am fairly certain i can roll this salad into a miso soup base and be comforted for dinner rather than chilled.

sunshine

2009-04-05T20:50:00.002-04:00

one thing, among many, this island lacks is meyer lemons. it is a sad sad state of affairs. needless to say, i traveled with as many as i could find on my way back from america and there was a zesting and juicing party (of one) in my wee kitchen. the results are ready for the freezer in an attempt to capture this wintry sunshine for a later date. i couldnt help myself though, before relegating the troops to the deep; a loaf of meyer lemon and almond cake emerged from the oven. it was bright and full of dancing.

home again

2009-03-31T11:26:00.004-04:00

i am in a holding pattern, waiting for the work season to begin, thinking it would have begun by now, and realizing it may v well be another week or two.

i am home from being home. the split personality of my current living arrangements have me in a constant state of befuddlement. my little space here is adorable and full of light, but it lacks a certain lived-in-ness, which is entirely my fault because i keep abandoning it. trying to ameliorate this problem, i tossed a loaf of banana bread in the oven. not terribly exciting, but extremely home-y. with walnuts, yoghurt, ground oats, flax seeds (almost healthy?), honey, and cinnamon. lots of cinnamon. toasted with a schmear of cream cheese reminds me of being little.

ramps

2009-03-19T22:00:00.003-04:00

not the shoots and ladders kind; but rather, the wild baby leek kind. i was just in atlanta, where the weather was blissfully warm enough to run outside. somewhere along the trail, i asked if ramps were local because i had a noseful of them. and then quickly realized the answer was yes whether or not my host knew for certain. he wasnt aware of the fact he had them in his. back. yard. lucky man. so ramps prolly wont show their stinky faces in the stores up north for awhile yet, but i love them in an omelette. or sauteed on fish. or in buttery pasta. or on tartlettes. or with cheese. or pickled. or really, any way i can get them.

listen o-e-o, its an oreo

2009-03-13T23:03:00.004-04:00

i dont really remember liking these as a child, but i must have. didnt everyone? regardless of my memories, oreos. gluten free. a mix of buckwheat, millet, teff, and tapioca flour. oddly, the non-traditional flours are not at odds with the baking process here and give the cookies the mealy crunchiness i remember. and any cookie dunked in milk seems to be more forgiving. N made me hide them so he wouldnt eat them all in one go.

greenies

2009-03-07T19:04:00.003-05:00

perhaps i am a little late for the matcha dessert bus, but i dont feel like i am really on the bus because my morning cup of choice is almost invariable gyokuro which is a close family member. the only reason i havent been drinking the matcha recently is that i have eliminated caffeine for the time being (crazy, i know). and i refuse to let the lovely powder languish in my cupboard. so here, when a friend asked for dessert before i left home: lavender lemon cupcakes with matcha buttercream.

moo too

2009-02-25T10:27:00.003-05:00

awhile back i realized how much yoghurt i consume and then immediately started feeling guilty about all the plastic involved (yes, i am secretly a hippy), so i began looking for a yoghurt maker. there were two problems, though: (one) they all took up space i wasnt willing to hand over to another appliance (i wont even budge for a food processor and everyone knows how handy they can be) and (two) well. i can be shallow about my kitchen tools and they werent exactly the prettiest machines. so i tried to do without all that fancy pants technology and was slightly amazed to find my oven with the light on makes a perfect incubator. yippee.

moo

2009-02-19T16:57:00.004-05:00

i was certain i had mentioned confiture du lait before but i cant find any reference and so, perhaps i havent. (certainly, everyone else has. at one point or another.) it is really just a fancy way to say dulche de leche; but, a little purer. i dont like fussing with cans of condensed milk and honestly, the idea of boiling a closed can terrifies me. so here: milk (lactaid), half as much sugar (by weight), a piece of vanilla pod, and a healthy dose of salt. and when i say healthy, i mean season and then toss in some more. it is the only way to balance out the sticky sweetness of caramel. because that is what this is at heart. afterwards, it is lovely on toast (my favourite), smeared on fruit, mixed into ice cream, straight off the spoon...o, did i type that out loud?

dumplings

2009-02-17T11:41:00.004-05:00

i am finding one of the (what some might call) dangers of a seasonal job is i sometimes have trouble coming up with reasons to leave the house. strangely, i am at peace with this. i have always joked about hibernating for the winter and now i sort of can. seriously, at this point, outside means cold and bitter wind. i generally only face it in order to visit friends, get provisions, or go to the library.

in an effort not to blow through another book so quickly (because i am not ready to make the library trip), i took a break in order to prep, cook, and devour (read: no pix) a plate of tofu scallion dumplings made with a rice and tapioca starch dough. (what? i was hungry.) the dough was pretty much what i was expecting, but not really what i wanted. it was a little gooey and slimy. i wanted something a little drier. this ended up being a severe case of dumplings being used as an excuse to consume ridiculous quantities of tamari and sirachi. (by the way, has anyone else heard of it referred to as hot cock? i always called it red rooster, but i have heard...)

i confess

2009-02-15T07:21:00.007-05:00

i am a die hard non-valentines day contender. to be social, i toss people a happy vd and then go about my day. there are never flowers or chocolate or cake or expensive dinners (or if there are, i am in the restaurant cooking said dinner for you and yours)...despite all of this, there were flourless chocolate cupcakes in my oven yesterday. i swear it was an accident.

i have been thinking about the flourless chocolate cake beast and heres the thing: i dont enjoy them so much when they are heavy and fudgy. its all fine and good if thats what you want, but i never want that and would rather eat a piece of naked chocolate. i have issues when two bites of a dessert is all you can manage, not because you are holding back, but because it is too rich. someone is sure to hamstring me for saying this, but desserts that decadent dont do anything for me. so i have been tweaking a formula hoping for a cake-like crumb, rather than something you could, in a pinch, use to bludgeon small mammals. as many things in the baking world, it appears to be a matter of method rather than ratio.

what does all this mean? really? i now have a cake-y chocolate cake formula that doesnt involve wheat flour or alternative flours that makes me relatively happy.

teense

2009-02-10T18:37:00.006-05:00

my new kitchen is the smallest kitchen i have ever had. it is so small there are no drawers, leaving my civilian utensils fending for themselves, at the ready in what were, for quite some time, my favoured mugs. slowly, i am acclimating.

my biggest point of contention is the stove. it. is. electric. (unfortunately, this is the case for most homes on this pile of rock and sand i inhabit.) and the oven is tiny. the upside is everything is spanky new; i had the utmost pleasure of being able to peel off plastic stickers from the appliances when i returned from america. my inner ocd child was delighted.

as a side note: yes, those are ball jars. and yes, they serve as my glasses. and my travel mugs. also, great for incubating yoghurt.

hiding

2009-02-07T11:35:00.011-05:00

this is where i have been and where i will most likely be returning to soon. this poorly equipped kitchen. this stove. this built in clock/ timer whose functionality i have not bothered to verify, most probably because i think the answer is negative. but i do love the look of it.

food prep has been of the gluten free mostly vegetarian quasi-asian bent, cookies, bread, and dutch babies. you have not seen happiness until you look someone in the eye when they taste something they thought they would never eat again and realize they are not looking back at you because their eyes are closed.

i realize nothing will ever be an exact replica, but if i can inch closer than the prepackaged gluten free garbage at the grocery masquerading as food i will be satisfied. it is not the world of food i am familiar with, but i am determined to make its close acquaintance.

pear lemonade

2009-02-06T17:56:00.002-05:00

heres what you do in the middle of the new england winter when your bones ache for clear sunshine that actually brings warmth: gather the courage to trek in the biting cold to china town (the lure of dumplings and a big bowl of pho will certainly help). procure beautiful asian pears happily nestled in their (i know, so not eco-friendly) individual netting. bask in the delight of someone eating their first. watch as N pulls out the juicer and makes a wondrous concoction of asian pears and meyer lemons (i have mentioned my love affair with said citrus). sit contentedly in a moment of stolen summer...

there was a party...

2009-02-05T08:15:00.003-05:00

there was a game? there was a lot of running. there were a lot of unimpressive commercials. i dont know who was playing; i was only there for the food, which happened to be incredibly yummy.

some items of interest: one) foie gras poutine with home made ricotta in lieu of cheese curds; two) chicken 'pot' hand pies; three) gumbo; and four) chicken-fried bacon. the last was not a typo. i could hear my arteries screaming in pain all night long. but, it was worth it. penguino throws down a good spread.

full

2009-01-25T12:20:00.003-05:00

a set of the prettiest little hand-painted japanese tea cups followed me home the other day. they are decidedly girly. they fit perfectly in my hands. the crackle glaze has already started to weather and darken. they will become even more beautiful with time.

life is full of gyokuro and jasmine pearls, gluten-free baked goods, naps, and laughter. (but perhaps not so much blogging...)

o, me of little faith

2009-01-11T18:50:00.005-05:00

thats right. that is bread. with nary a gluten containing crumb within...and it tastes enough like bread that it passed the day of, the sandwich, the day after, and the grilled cheese test. (or at least, my versions of said tests. N will have to wait a little longer to throw in his vote.)

a little more research about the properties and flavour profiles of non-wheat flours and how they react with other baking ingredients (why is this information so hard to find?) and...this loaf, this loaf happened.

dont get me wrong. i am not dancing around triumphant. (okay, maybe a little bit.) but, i am not done yet. i am still tweaking. and because i am a little afraid it could have been a freak accident, there is another one rising in the kitchen as i sit here.

not exactly what i had in mind

2009-01-10T08:23:00.002-05:00

quel? that would be the first gluten-free loaf of bread (and i use that term loosely) for the new year. i made a few half-hearted attempts last year, but somehow became sidetracked. well. i am back. and apparently, i have tons of free time to devote to this project. it would be fun if it werent so frustrating. i jest. in part. it is fun; but, i am not used to having food experiments go awry. this will be good practice in kitchen humbling for me.

that being said, bread as i know it (and prolly you too) needs gluten like i need ice cream. which is to say, yes. without it, the dough is weird, it rises differently, it bakes like biscuit dough, it doesnt snap, and it tastes...well. this loaf doesnt taste bad. but it also doesnt taste like bread. it is interesting intellectually as a food product, but i would be disappointed if i wanted bread.

i need to cut back the garbanzo flour. i thought it might help retain moistness and round out the flavour, but perhaps i used too much. the good news (for me) is that it will not kill me to eat the rest of it; at the v least, it will make decent toast and croutons...

whats a girl to do?

2009-01-08T10:35:00.002-05:00

home after being away for so long, it is adjustment time all over again: the lack of traffic lights, the lack of open shops and restaurants, the ridiculous number of four wheel drive monstrous-sized trucks, the utter dark at night.

i recently moved and am trying to unpack but cant fully because the apartment still has work to be done. so i am in stasis; a holding pattern of the minimum amount of unpacking versus what will keep me sane (the pea living out of bags for more than a month at a time is not a pretty sight).

needless to say, my kitchen is a disaster area. i have not been able to bring myself to really cook anything. i am not even sure where my civilian utensils are hiding. i have made: tea (lots of tea); and soymilk (dont ever let me do that again. i know this may sound lazy and so-not-slow-food, but it is easier to buy it. i make no apologies. filterfilter strainstrain. i dont have that kind of time on my hands.); also, i have re-found my yoghurt strainer that A gave me. so toast and labne.

this is a truly sad state of affairs. i may leave home again until renovations are complete.

forcemeat in pix

2008-12-31T14:02:00.009-05:00

mmm. pork for garlic sausage. mr A also made a venison pate, a duck pate, and had cotechino in the works for after my departure.

breaking in the new mixer at the double A homestead (forcemeats, cookies, and cupcakes); i am sure it will get much future love.

the beauteous sausage stuffer. oddly enough, this is approximately the same size machine i used to have at work. i remember wanting a bigger one, but at some point the span between the crank and the extruder becomes a limiting factor if you want sausage making to be a one-person operation (and does so rather quickly when you are teense like me).

thank you A for being such a forcemeat trooper. i wish i were still there to help eat.

little owls

2008-12-29T18:50:00.009-05:00

i know i said i was going to help in the kitchen. and i intended to do so...yes. i broke down a few ducks last night; but, instead of helping with modified ma'amoul production today, i am sitting on the couch trying to convince my headache to pack its bags and go somewhere else. so miss A is on her own here: dough spiked with semolina and a healthy dose of butter; a filling of dates with cardamom. (i say modified because she told me they are usually filled with nuts. she has dubbed these date cookies.)

a ball of filling is wrapped in the dough and then pressed into this tool and rapped firmly on the counter to release...once out of the oven, these owl head creatures are crisp and slightly crunchy from the sem flour. yummy. in. my. mouth.

carrot babies

2008-12-27T13:29:00.002-05:00

these were not the loveliest creatures to come out of the oven, so their profile pix will stay deeply hidden in the depths of my hard drive. mini carrot walnut ginger (fresh) cupcakes with a ginger (dried) cream cheese glaze. the flavour is good although i would add some more spice next time; i like my carrot cake to have a little zing. (just containing carrots does not merit accolades in my world.)

the ridiculous part of this? i baked them this morning and i think there is no one in the house right now who could suffer to eat any more food that is not crunchy, vegetable-based, and raw. fortunately, i think a good portion of them will be leaving the premises in exchange for sausage casings so mr A and i can start grinding and stuffing. perhaps by that time, i will be hungry again.

happy tree

2008-12-25T20:05:00.005-05:00

this is not actually the tree from this year, but it does belong to A, with whom i am spending the holidays. i am sitting in a house that contains five (i think) trees, all decorated to a different theme. it might be six, but i honestly get disoriented every time i try to take a count. regardless of the number of trees, i am full of yummy food i did not have to cook. this post-prandial dip has the potential to take me out for multiple days.

i feel a bit like i have not pulled my weight in the kitchen this season (A has been cooking up a storm and also kimchi jigae {!}); but, i am counting on next week to remedy that. open house, here we come. in the plans: forcemeats and cupcakes.

another reason

2008-12-21T13:42:00.001-05:00

to love the city and the people who live in it (i assume this vehicle belongs to a chef)...